For those reading this who have already experienced the loss of any parent, you have our deepest sympathies and our sincere hope for your complete healing process, no matter how long it takes. We’ve included a list of helpful resources at the end of this article for anyone who needs support coping with grief.
Although grieving the death of a parent is an experience shared throughout human history, it’s no less devastating. No matter how old you are when a parent dies, and no matter how close your relationship with them was, losing a parent is a life-changing event.
How Losing a Parent Changes You
Experiencing the loss of your parents brings about these changes.
1. You Become More Anxious
Stress becomes harder to cope with, and you find yourself feeling overwhelmed even by ordinary responsibilities. You realize that you’re worrying more, especially about your health and that of your family.
Research even shows that people experiencing grief from the loss of a parent are more likely to have a higher risk of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse.
2. You Can’t Deal With People Complaining About Their Parents
You used to let other people’s negative remarks about their parents go unnoticed, but now it bothers you that anyone would complain about their parents’ quirks. You would give anything to get those long voicemails, infamous soup recipes, and embarrassing nicknames back.
3. You Can Feel Grief in Your Body
As if every cell in your body remembers the warm hug of your parent, your body can become physically sick from grief. Men are especially likely to experience dips in their health and well-being when they lose a parent.
Don’t forget to care for your own wellness as you grieve, as the healing process is emotional, spiritual, and physical.
4. You Learn to Live with Sadness
Grief isn’t something to “get over” but has many different stages and facets. You realize that you will never stop missing your parent, and their absence will be more obvious some days than others. But you eventually learn to cope with your loss and keep moving forward.
If, however, you or someone you love is experiencing severe grief that doesn’t seem to fluctuate or ebb over a period of months or years, you should speak to a medical care provider about persistent complex bereavement disorder, a mental health condition in which grief interrupts your ability to function for a long period of time.
5. Holidays Have Changed
Most of us inherit the significance of special days from our parents. They were the first people in our lives to teach us how to celebrate life’s milestones.
Without them, holidays and special occasions over the years can make you feel lonely, melancholy, and hollow. But as time goes on, you will learn to create new meanings for those special days.
6. You Learn to Accept Their Flaws
When you were young, you looked up to your parents and trusted them completely. But with maturity came the realization that they were people, just like you, and they were trying their best to care for you in a complicated world.
No matter what your relationship with your parent was like, once they’re gone, you find yourself coming to terms with their flaws and mistakes. You see them in a new light, and you learn to forgive the times they fell short.
7. Your Emotions Become More Complicated
Grief is an experience, not a feeling, and it is made up of many complicated and often conflicting emotions. You can feel sadness, guilt, anger, fear, relief, and numbness all within the space of a few minutes.
Don’t shy away from your negative emotions. They are all part of healing in a healthy way.
8. Your Relationship with Your Siblings Changes
Every family unit has a unique dynamic, held in place by each member. Whether you have a blended family, a separated family, or anything else, you’ll notice that losing a parent can be a catalyst for change between you and your siblings.
For some families, the shock of grief can cause friction and conflict among brothers and sisters. For others, a loss in the family can lead to the healing of broken relationships. Don’t undervalue the bonds you have with your remaining loved ones. If you can, commit to checking in on one another.
9. You Catch Yourself Trying to Call Them
One of the most heartbreaking feelings as you grieve is picking up a phone to share some news with a parent and then realizing that they won’t be on the other end of the line to listen. You can’t help but grieve all of the moments you won’t be able to share with them.
10. You Learn How Strong Love Actually Is
The beauty of sadness is that it reminds you of how deep your love for your parent goes. It’s no real consolation, but as you reflect on the time you did have with your mother or father, you will appreciate all the new perspectives of love that start to surface.
The Impact of Losing a Parent: Research and Insights
Grief from the loss of a parent is a deeply emotional experience that can have significant effects on your mental and physical well-being. Research has shown that individuals who experience the death of a parent are more likely to face higher risks of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse.
A study published in the Journal of Affective Disorders found that individuals who had lost a parent had a higher risk of developing anxiety disorders compared to those who had not experienced such a loss. The researchers suggested that the stress and emotional burden of losing a parent could contribute to increased anxiety levels.
Furthermore, a study in the American Journal of Psychiatry revealed that individuals who had lost a parent were more likely to experience depression and functional impairment. The researchers highlighted the importance of seeking support and therapy to manage these symptoms and promote healing.
Grief can also have a physical impact on the body. The loss of a parent can lead to physical symptoms such as fatigue, changes in appetite, and sleep disturbances. Men, in particular, are susceptible to experiencing dips in their health and well-being when they lose a parent.
It is important to prioritize self-care during the grieving process. Engaging in activities that promote emotional, spiritual, and physical well-being can facilitate the healing journey. Dedicate time to engage in activities that bring you peace and solace, whether it’s practicing mindfulness, engaging in physical exercise, or seeking comfort in spiritual practices.
Dealing with Grief: Coping Strategies and Support
Grief is a complex and multifaceted experience that manifests in various ways. It’s essential to acknowledge and process your emotions throughout the grieving process. Here are some effective coping strategies that can help you navigate the loss of a parent:
1. Seek Support
Reach out to loved ones, friends, or support groups who can provide a listening ear and a safe space to express your emotions. Sharing your feelings with others who have experienced similar losses can be incredibly therapeutic.
There are also various grief support organizations and counselors who specialize in helping individuals cope with the loss of a parent. They can offer guidance and provide resources to support your healing journey.
2. Practice Self-Care
During periods of grief, it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being. Take care of yourself physically by maintaining a healthy diet, regular exercise, and adequate sleep. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as reading, listening to music, or spending time in nature.
Consider incorporating mindfulness and stress-reducing practices into your routine, such as meditation or deep breathing exercises. These techniques can help you find moments of peace and calm amidst the emotional turmoil.
3. Honor and Remember Your Parent
Find ways to remember and celebrate the life of your parent. Create rituals or traditions that hold special meaning and allow you to feel connected to their memory. This can include organizing a memorial gathering, creating a memory box, or writing letters to your parent to express your thoughts and feelings.
Additionally, consider engaging in activities that your parent enjoyed or that remind you of them. It can be as simple as cooking their favorite meal, visiting a place they loved, or participating in a hobby they enjoyed. These acts can help you maintain a sense of connection and keep their memory alive.
4. Allow Yourself to Grieve
Grief is a natural and necessary process of healing. Allow yourself the space and time to feel and express your emotions, however they may arise. It’s normal to experience a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to guilt and relief.
Acknowledge that everyone grieves differently, and there is no “right” way to mourn the loss of a parent. Embrace your unique journey and give yourself permission to mourn at your own pace.
The Long-Term Effects and Healing
The loss of a parent changes us forever, but with time, we learn to navigate life without them. As the years go by, the pain may lessen, but the memories and love for our parents remain.
As you continue to heal, remember that it’s crucial to reach out for help if you find yourself experiencing persistent severe grief that interferes with your ability to function. Persistent complex bereavement disorder is a mental health condition that requires professional intervention and support.
While the absence of a parent on special occasions and holidays can be difficult, over time, you will find ways to create new meanings and traditions. Surround yourself with supportive loved ones, and acknowledge that it’s okay to experience moments of sadness and nostalgia during these times.
The journey of grieving the loss of a parent is a testament to the strength of love. Reflecting on the time you had with your mother or father allows you to appreciate the depth of your love for them, even as you learn to live without their physical presence.
Embracing Healing and Growth
The death of a parent is a life-altering event that changes us in profound ways. It is natural to feel anxiety, to struggle with complex emotions, and to find that holidays and special occasions carry a different weight. However, through self-care, seeking support, and allowing yourself to grieve, you can navigate the healing process.
Remember to be patient and gentle with yourself as you face the challenges and changes that come with losing a parent. Healing takes time, and everyone’s journey is unique. Treasure the memories and the love you shared, and find solace in knowing that your parent’s legacy lives on in the person you have become.
If you or someone you know is in need of support while coping with the loss of a parent, the following resources may be helpful:
- GriefShare: Offers grief support groups and resources
- The Compassionate Friends: Provides support for bereaved parents and siblings
- National Alliance on Mental Illness: Offers resources for mental health support
- National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: Provides 24/7 support for individuals in crisis
Remember, healing is a journey that you need not walk alone. Reach out, seek support, and embrace the love and memories that continue to shape your life.