How to Define Your Own Version of Success
When you think about “success,” what pops into your mind? Maybe it’s the image of someone in a corner office, driving a fancy car, or living in a picture-perfect home. Society paints a pretty clear picture of what success should look like, right? But here’s the thing—what if that version doesn’t really click with you? What if those goals start to feel, well, a little hollow?
A lot of people hit that point where they’ve achieved what they were “supposed” to, but something’s missing. It’s that nagging question: Is this really what I want? If you’ve ever wondered if there’s a different, more fulfilling way to think about success, you’re not alone. In this article, we’re going to explore how you can start crafting a definition of success that’s true to you—not what society tells you it should be.
Understanding Success Through Personal Values
At the heart of defining your own success are your personal values. These are the beliefs that guide you, the things that really matter to you in life. Think of them as your internal compass—helping you make choices, build relationships, and find a sense of purpose. For some, creativity or personal growth might be core values; for others, family or making a difference in their community takes center stage.
When you start to see success as something that aligns with your values, it opens up a new way of living. Instead of chasing goals that look good to everyone else, you begin focusing on what feels right for you. For example, someone who values creativity might feel successful as an artist or a writer, even if they’re not earning six figures. Meanwhile, someone who’s all about community might feel their best while working in social services or volunteering.
The Role of Values in Fulfillment
Research backs this up: when we pursue goals that line up with our values, we tend to feel happier and more fulfilled. In one study, researchers found that people who set goals based on their personal values experienced higher well-being and satisfaction. Why? Because they weren’t just following a script; they were living in a way that felt true to them.
On the flip side, when we focus on the “shoulds” that society pushes—like chasing money or titles—it can lead to burnout and dissatisfaction. These might be motivating for some people, but if they don’t align with what’s genuinely important to you, they can leave you feeling empty. So, taking the time to define and understand your values is a powerful step toward a version of success that feels real and fulfilling.
Letting Go of Society’s Expectations
Society has a funny way of making us feel like there’s a universal checklist for success. We’re surrounded by ideas about what we should aim for—high-paying jobs, a house with a white picket fence, or even just “looking successful.” It’s like there’s this invisible manual telling us what goals to chase, and it can feel pretty heavy when those goals don’t actually match what’s meaningful to us.
The problem is, these pressures can influence our choices more than we realize. Maybe you’ve felt nudged toward a certain career path because it seems respectable or because it’s what people in your family expect. Or maybe you’ve felt the weight of trying to appear emotionally “strong” just because society often praises resilience and staying tough, even when you’re struggling. These expectations can start to shape our lives in ways that don’t always feel authentic, creating stress, anxiety, or even a sense that we’re living according to someone else’s rules.
When we’re stuck in this cycle of meeting society’s standards, it’s easy to feel like we’re not “measuring up” if our path looks different. But recognizing these pressures is the first step toward breaking free. Once we start to see where these “shoulds” come from, we’re in a better place to make choices that feel true to who we are, not who we’re told to be.
Setting Goals That Actually Mean Something
Once you know what matters most to you, the next step is setting goals that really connect with those values. When your goals align with who you are, working toward them feels exciting and fulfilling—like you’re building a life that actually fits. Here’s how to get started:
- Figure Out Your Core Values: Start by thinking about the times in your life when you felt genuinely proud or fulfilled. What was it about those moments that made them meaningful? Maybe it was a sense of creativity, connection, or helping others. Whatever it is, those core values can be the foundation for setting goals that feel true to you.
- Make Your Goals SMART: Now that you know your core values, it’s time to create some clear goals around them. A helpful approach is the SMART method: Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound. For example, if creativity is a big part of what you value, you might set a goal like, “Create one new artwork each month.” SMART goals help you stay focused and make it easier to track your progress.
- Break It Down: Big goals can feel overwhelming, and that’s often where people get stuck. Break things down into small, manageable steps so they don’t feel so daunting. For instance, if you want to write a book, start by setting a weekly word count instead of thinking about the whole project at once. Little wins add up!
- Get Some Support: Sharing your goals with someone you trust—whether it’s a friend, family member, or mentor—can make a huge difference. Not only do they cheer you on, but having someone to check in with can help keep you on track when things get tough.
- Check In and Adjust: Life changes, and sometimes our goals need to as well. Make it a habit to check in on your goals every now and then to see if they still feel right. Don’t be afraid to shift things if they no longer fit. Staying flexible helps you stay connected to what truly matters as you grow.
Crafting Your Own Definition of Success
So now that you know what you value and have some goals that actually mean something, it’s time to pull it all together. This is where you get to create a definition of success that’s totally yours—one that isn’t about impressing others but about feeling fulfilled and living authentically.
When you define success on your own terms, you give yourself permission to live a life that feels right for you. It’s about focusing on what truly makes you feel satisfied and proud, rather than trying to keep up with everyone else’s idea of “making it.” By crafting your own definition, you’re freeing yourself from the pressure to follow a path that doesn’t feel like yours.
Practical Steps for Redefining Success
- Reflect on Your Core Values: Revisit the values you identified earlier. Are they still what matters most to you? These values are the foundation of a fulfilling version of success, so take the time to make sure they’re genuinely yours.
- Think About Your Strengths and Passions: Success feels best when it’s connected to things you enjoy and are good at. What are the skills or interests that energize you? Finding ways to incorporate these into your goals can make the journey feel more rewarding.
- Create an Action Plan: Once you know your values and strengths, set up a simple action plan to start moving toward this version of success. Focus on small, doable steps so that it doesn’t feel overwhelming. And remember, this plan isn’t set in stone—you can adjust as you go.
- Embrace Flexibility: Life can be unpredictable, and it’s okay to make changes. Your version of success might shift over time as you learn more about yourself and your goals. Allow yourself to adapt without feeling like you’re “failing” or “giving up.” Flexibility is part of the journey.
By following these steps, you’ll start to feel more grounded in a version of success that’s unique to you—one that brings real satisfaction rather than just ticking off society’s boxes.
Living Your Version of Success
Defining success isn’t about following a set formula or checking off society’s boxes. It’s about building a life that feels like it belongs to you, one that reflects your deepest values and what genuinely matters. When you shift your focus to what fulfills you personally, you’re setting yourself up for a more satisfying journey.
Of course, it’s not always easy to push back against outside pressures. There might be times when the path you choose feels challenging or even a little lonely, especially when it doesn’t match what others expect. But every step you take that aligns with your true values brings you closer to a life that feels real and rewarding.
Remember, success isn’t a one-time achievement or a final destination. It’s a lifelong path that evolves with you, shaped by personal growth, purpose, and the choices you make along the way. So give yourself the freedom to define success on your own terms, and let that guide you toward a life that feels truly fulfilling.