What Our Children Need To Know About Love
As parents, it’s important to avoid teaching our kids stereotypes. I think it’s part of learning tolerance. Unfortunately, generation after generation passes on stereotypical views that are hard to shake. Interestingly, one of those stereotypes is the idea of love. Looking back on my own lifetime, the idea of love is highly romanticized and made out to be the saving grace for all. Especially women.
Hallmark movies send cheesy messages that love is usually found as a result of a past misunderstanding, or with someone we immediately dislike. Many romantic comedies have that same sort of storyline, often with “stalkerish” undertones that make men (and women for that matter) think if they endlessly pursue someone who clearly has no interest, love shall prevail.
The happy ending? She’ll eventually fall into his arms, or even worse, his bed. So when it comes to stereotypes of romantic love, our kids can really get emotionally misguided on the whole idea. A child’s first impression of love is usually from his parent’s relationship(s) — from affection to forgiveness and communication to respect. So as parents we need to remain conscious of what we inadvertently teach our kids about love. More importantly, we should teach them things that will make their relationships healthier. (1, 2)
Hitting And Teasing Is Love
No, it’s not. While this schoolyard myth pops up all the time, bullying should never be associated with love. This sends a message abuse is healthy and acceptable. (2)
Love Needs Give And Take
We smother our kids with unconditional love but might fail to send the message about give and take. We should nurture our kid’s ability to give back in relationships, so they learn the importance of kindness and compromise. (2)
Loving Yourself
Sacrificing who we are to please someone we love causes us to love ourselves less. Love is not bowing down to our romantic partners. Instead, it is about mutual respect and never losing ourselves in a relationship. The trick is teaching our kids to love themselves, but not be selfish. Loving who we are makes it easier to love others, and avoid the people who want to change us to suit their needs. (2)
Love Requires Respect
Without respect, love can’t prevail. Relationships, where partners treat each other horribly and disrespectfully, are toxic. (2)
Love Doesn’t Have To Last Forever
This is an important one. If I’ve learned anything it’s that there is no happily ever after. Happiness is a gift that comes and goes in our lives. When we find love that makes us happy, we should nurture that love and cherish those people. However, we also have to realize people change throughout their lives, and finding “the one” who will turn every corner at the exact same time we do is close to impossible. Although failed relationships can leave scars, the happy moments they bring should be cherished. The bad times teach us important life experiences that help us avoid the same mistakes. Recognizing the relationships we should nurture and those we should end is a challenge I feel none of us master completely! (2)
Loving Someone Doesn’t Guarantee They’ll Love You Back
This is the worst one. Because this one hurts. Unrequited love is possibly the saddest thing we can experience, but it is survivable. And this is where those romantic movies really need to be tied to a chair and forced to listen to some not so great things about the world; you can’t force someone to love you by stalking them, showing up unexpectedly, sending them flowers, interfering in their lives, trying to sabotage their relationships or finding yourselves on some “zany” cross country chase. When someone you love doesn’t feel the same way, you have to learn to let it go. It’s hard, but the best way to avoid ongoing hurt. As that hurt slowly fades you can open your heart to someone new — if you want, you don’t have to, but it could be nice.